Some observations on my boys

I have two boys aged 5 & 3.  I have no idea how my gender survives beyond this age range, here's why:

No distance is too short that I can't cover it at full speed.

I like to carry out conversation at ear splitting volume levels.

Anything you ask me to do is, at best, a mere suggestion (unless preceded by "I've told you x times already").

"yeah, she's crying" is empathy.

My selective memory is photographic "awwwww I never get to stay up".

The direction I am running is not the direction I am looking.

I am in constant denial "I'm not a little boy, I'm a big boy.  He's a little boy" .... "No I'm not. Muuuuuuuuuuuuum!".

Something you can talk about at dinner

Lying in the shade, drying off after swimming. My two boys jump on my back and proceed to blow loud, and long raspberries. There is the occasional pause for laughter if one of them lets out a particularly good sound.

My eldest takes a breather to tell me;

"Dad, you can talk about this at dinner"

Rasing boys

I was putting on a "rashie" as I was about to go for a swim and my eldest boy comes out with
"Dad your tummy is very big"

Fair enough, I do support the Australian reputation as the fattest nation and I do it well.

"yes Mate, it's too big" I reply.

"no Dad, it's way way way way waaaaaaaaay too big"